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You need to stop doing this with dog poo

Have you ever used a litter picker?

It’s phenomenal, your pinching ability and reaching radius is unrivalled, like a super hero. I recently bought myself one. I use it in a feeble attempt to lessen my guilt as I walk along public footpaths and watch plastic wrappers float past me. There’s nothing that will make you feel more guilty about being a human than watching a duck get bitch slapped by an empty Haribo packet.

Today, I was out for a stroll with my litter picker, readying myself to feel morally superior for a moment once again when I noticed a small black plastic bag swinging in the breeze. A dog owner had decided to wrap their dog’s turd in a plastic bag and then attach it to a tree, like the world’s most disappointing bauble.

As I stood still, watching it in the wind that was persistently blowing me towards it, I thought to myself ‘someone has actually gone out of their way to make the dog turd worse’.

Of course, it is considerate for a dog owner to pick up their dog’s waste. There is nothing that can activate your gag reflex quicker than a faint waft of turd on your shoe, puncturing any brief happiness you might have been experiencing. However, to wrap it in something which will take 300 years to degrade is just making sure that we go down in history as one of the worst societies to have existed.

Surely, SURELY a quick flick with a stick into the verge had been the better option? Let the nearby wildlife reap whatever benefits a dog turd has in it and just like your last use of the incognito tab act like it never happened. Whatever happened to pooper scoopers you bastards? BRING BACK THE POOPER SCOOPERS.

My thought is, and maybe I am wrong, if you have a dog and you care enough to pick up it’s shit, perhaps you care enough to make small changes in your own behaviour that would protect wildlife. That’s not an insane stretch is it? If you enjoy the company of dogs, try and prevent the environmental apocalypse that scientists are screaming about because lord knows, in a fight for survival, your dog would probably eat you.

*Not all dog owners are the worst. Just those that take something biodegradable and make it not.

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